My mom was my biggest supporter when it came to writing. Over the years, she and I spent many long nights fighting about homework and research projects. Writing in elementary through high school was generally a nightmare. Assignments often ended with me sleeping on the floor next to the computer, exhausted from fighting about what to write, and my mom typing what I had dictated to her.
In college writing got easier, Thank God! Andrew and I would work as a team on my big assignments and projects. It seemed that I just couldn’t find a comfortable starting point, this paralyzed me. When I did get started, I had trouble getting my ideas in order so that they made sense. Andrew helped me to realize that I wasn’t going to live or die by what I put on paper for a college assignment. Ultimately, he helped me get to a point where I could get all of my ideas into the computer and then go back and organize them, an achievement that my mom recognized and envied.
It was not until I graduated from college that I really understood why my mom and I clashed so much when it came to writing in school. It turns out that she was fighting her own insecurities with writing, while at the same time trying to teach me to write and do research. All of those hours that we spent struggling with assignments were tormenting her and shining a light on her biggest weaknesses.
When I started blogging in August of 2011 she was floored, impressed that I had developed the confidence to put my thoughts and words out into the cloudy, very public world of the internet. She was so pleased that I had found my voice and overcome my fears. My mom was a constant commenter on my posts and always had positive feedback for me. She often said that my writing style reminded her of Erma Bombeck. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Anyway, I guess I have some research to do.
Since my mom passed away in July I have been hesitant to blog. I have been wining to my dear husband about not having the time to write. However, the truth is, that the fear of not knowing where to start has set back in a bit. That combined with the hurt in my heart when I think about my mom has effectively halted my writing.
I enjoy writing and wish to continue blogging. So tonight, with the encouragement of my husband in my heart and tears for my mom on my cheeks, I am committing to make time at least once a week to sit and blog.
Wish me good luck.