Just a glimpse of life this week.
1.) Poop On the Chin
Maya – “Mommy, Ethan has poop on his chin.”
Don’t even ask. I didn’t know what to say, or even what to think. Luckily, it was not as bad as I first imagined. Apparently, after going poop and wiping, Maya distracted Ethan, who has had a runny nose. He inadvertently wiped his nose with the dirt toilet paper and something wet touched his nose. No actual particulates. Thank God!
2.) No Naked Hugging!
Setting – Andrew was in the bathroom getting the kids into the bath.
Me – “Maya keep your hands to yourself. Go give your brother a hug and apologize.” (I was not in the room with them).
Maya – “Fine!”
Andrew – “Hug your brother and apologize. (pause) No! Wait! Stop! You can’t hug him, you guys are naked!”
You could hear the panic in Andrew’s his voice. I can only imagine that he was looking down, and when he looked up, he realized that they were both naked and ready to embrace.
3.) Do Squirrels Really Pee in Cups?
Andrew – “Hey, kids Do you want to put a cup of water out and see what will happen to it over night? What do you think will happen to it?”
Maya – ” A squirrel will pee in it!”
4.) Awkward Marriages
Setting – Maya and one of the neighbor boys playing in her room.
Friend – “It’s illegal for a boy to marry a boy.”
Maya – “Oh? What about girls?”
Friend – “If two girls get married, that’s just awkward.”
5.) Who’s Blog is it Anyway?
Maya – “Mom, I hurt my ankle while I was running at school.”
Me – “How did that happen?”
Maya – “I was running in my Uggs for Phy. Ed. because I forgot my tennis shoes in my packpack. (That’s what she calls it.) It went like this (breaking motion with hands) it was so funny. You should put that on my blog” (They call it fy-ed here instead of P.E. It makes me laugh every time.)
Me – “Who’s blog?”
Maya – “Mine”
She said this with a completely straight face and seemed confused that I did not know what she was talking about. She is only 5!
I could go on and on. Between the things they say and the things they do, I may have to buy stock in Redkin Hair Color and Depends. I know as the grown-up, sometimes I am not supposed to laugh, but I just can’t help myself. The harder I try to keep it in, the worse it gets.